Jan. 23rd, 2015

hailthenarc: (Default)
What's with this trend of giving Optimus Prime/Megatron/Soundwave/KNOCK OUT/ect a goddanm OC girlfriend. What part of their interactions with literally anyone makes you think that the first thing they need in their life is a robot vagina? asidefrommegatron

At best none of them are even interested in sex. Because they are robots. Which are not for sex, in case you missed that lesson. At the fandom worst, they're all goddamn gay because 90% of Cybertronians are male. Case in Point: List of all female canon tranformers are: Chromia, Nautica, Moonrunner, Arcee, Windblade, Airachnid and if you include TFA, Red Alert and Elita One, which brings our grand total of well known female transformers to a stunning number of... eight. Eight ladies. For the goddamn eighteen billion dudes wandering around in the Transformers franchise. Which either means all the Transformers are even more Patriarchal than earth or fucking GOR, or there just aren't that many ladyformers. Willing to lean towards the latter rather than the former.

So why? Or rather, why add an important member of a canon characters life to a canon OC that has well established close relations with someone else? Why do that? Why? Do you understand what that is doing?

You're making random shit up! You didn't even read the canon-

A fanfic makes TF G1 Arcee the big bad villain so OP can bone ~Novawhisper~, the strange yet alluring femme from the dark side of Cybertron who is as beautiful as she is mysterious. WHY DO THAT? Yeah Arcee is a fucking psychotic murderous nutball. In another universe. Why make that the canon standard in the campy adorable kids friendly G1 show, that's like introducing Princess Molestia into goddamn G1 My Little Pony.

That's like making Actual Bible Canon real in Supernatural. Y'know, no. No. I'm going to do that, let me go do that. Let's take someone well known and well loved, let's say... Castiel. Okay. Now, lets make him Bible Canon.

Oh? What's that? There is no Bible Canon for Castiel because he was just some fucking Bible fanfiction made a few hundred years later by an overly invested fanboy? He's just a name on a list? That's okay, we'll make some shit up.

Let's see, he was a Warrior Of Earth or whatever. Well that's fine, let's pick out something cool for him. Let's say... an AK 47. Yeah, that's it. Perfect. Castiel, the Warrior of Earth, with an AK 47. But that's not nearly cool enough he has to have a sword. So lets give him a sword. But not just any sword, it has to be an amazing, all powerful, magic BIBLE sword. Lets see, what do we know about swords and the Bible. Someone important had a sword. Goddamnit who was it, I slept through Sunday School-

David. He was a king right? He had a sword! ... He had a slingshot? ... Fuck that pussy noise, he's getting a sword now. Or rather, Castiel is getting the sword that I gave to David just for the sake of giving Castiel a sword. Okay now he has a sword. But that sword isn't good enough. No, it has to be a katana. That shit's been folded over a million times it can cut diamonds right? Or at least David's katana can. Shut up, Jewish people had katanas back in 2000 BC or whatever right? Right. Damascus metal? What the fuck is that, get that shit outta here, katanas are king.

Okay so now Castiel has super awesome weapons, but he needs more. He needs super awesome powers. He can already fly, duh, and he's super fast because.... angels. And he's super strong because... angels. WARRIOR OF HEAVEN KEEP UP. He's so strong he can shoot his AK 47 and swing his katana at the same time without any repercussions. No recoil or anything he's fucking amazing. Subtlety? Blending in with society? NO WAY MAN.

I'm giving him BRIGHT BLOND FLOWING HAIR. LONG HAIR. FABIO HAIR. And skin as whiet as alabaster. Fuck being Arabic, that's not canon, everyone knows angels are all canonly white as hell. God's chosen people are all Caucasian. And his eyes look like CATS EYES. ANd they CHANGE COLOR WITH HIS MOODS. Fuck am I original. Okay, great, and his wings change color too! Not with his moods though, they change color based on... um... based... on...







based on who he's boning HIS STATE OF LOOOOOVE.

AND HE IS FUCKING BOTH WINCHESTERS. AND LUCIFER LOVES HIM BUT IS SO JEALOUS. AND HE IS GOD'S FAVORITE ANGEL MORE FAVORITED THAN JESUS. OR GABRIEL. OR ANYONE. FOREVER. AND HE FUCKED GOD. AND HAD HIS BUTTBABY WHO IS THE NEW MESSIAH.

im the best writer ever.

Profile

hailthenarc: (Default)
Squid

May 2017

S M T W T F S
 123456
78910111213
14151617181920
2122 2324252627
28293031   

Most Popular Tags

Page Summary

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Jul. 21st, 2017 10:39 pm
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios